A sad and personal story.

I am going to tell you a very personal story. This is not political nor is it about religion. This is a personal take on what happened to me, that changed my views on abortion. Now in saying this, I still believe that a woman has a choice but in my view, not getting the correct information, but I suppose whichever you choose or whomever you decide to listen to .. is the correct information to that individual. As do most, I too, looked into abortion and options and religious beliefs vs. medical.. So much information out there, you get confused.  I never thought it was a right decision for me but I can understand how faced with this decision, it can be the only solution to some.  Every human being is born with their own minds, beliefs and one doctor is different than the next.  

One morning, I was awakened by a deep pain in my abdomen and blood streaming down my bed and when I say streaming, I actually mean it. A huge pool of blood in my bed and then it was flowing down the side onto the floor. 
I began to cry, uncontrollably and called my sister to watch my daughter while I drove myself to the hospital. My fiance was at work and I could not wait for him to get there..  
While at the hospital they rushed me back to a room and of course asking the normal questions and doing the normal test.The doctor came in and said that I may be losing the baby but wanted to do a sonogram to see the baby. The nurses came in wheeled me to another room and proceeded to fill my bladder with water so that we could get a better view of the baby, it overflowed, I mean, like a river gushing, all in the floor and all over me and running out the door onto the equipment. The nurses were looking at each other in a state of panic and moving things around trying not to get me shocked or them by the flow of water. In the midst of moving the equipment, they happened to have turned the monitor(that they wouldn't let me see during the test) toward me.. of course, they were not paying attention to me as I was watching on the monitor of this little pea pod looking thing moving about inside.. Every time the blood would go inside one area, thing would move to another spot and then the same would happen.  I watched in amazement because all that I was told. That at 12 weeks, really isn't anything, I found it to be the opposite. Right at that moment, I began to cry as I watched my baby drown, drown in my own blood, trying to save itself but no where to go. I began to pray out loud, I don't know why. 
As the water was being cleaned up and finally the nurses could put their attention back to me, they noticed that the monitor was turned to me, they asked if I had moved it, how could I ? The looked at each other and whispered and all I could hear was one stating, "oh,no" .. I interrupted and asked was this my baby and they nodded and unhooked me and left the room. The doctor came back in with the results and told me that my placenta had come loose (so to speak) and causing a hemorrhage and losing the baby.. 
I was admitted for observation and later that evening the nurse and doctor came in as I was praying and crying and sat with me.. held my hand and said these things happen and they were going to release me and on Sunday wanted me to come back in for the hormone level test to see what level it would be.. I spoke up and said "what if it is up" "is there hope".. The nurse took my hand again and said.. "honey, there is no hope for your baby".  I began sobbing again and she gave me a hug and said that it would be okay. At that time, this is not what I wanted to hear.  Right??
From that moment, it changed my life and my thinking of a fetus, baby issue.. When I watched that little being trying to save itself and could not, everything as I stated earlier went out the window.. My views changed to a point for ME. It was for me, that the Lord showing the decision I was going to make was the wrong one. What I was told was not the case, for me and what I believe in.. If this little being had no feeling, how could it ..in that moment ... keep moving to a place in the womb, I know , trying to save himself.  ??
This was my son, I watched drown... You can never tell me that was nothing.. 

Thanks-----