An uneventful day and a tune

As I was cleaning the kitchen, I heard a familiar tune coming from the television by way of the living room. A tune that made me stop for a moment and reminded me of my grandmother. She had just gotten out of the hospital and still not feeling well and while she was reading the morning paper, she started reading out loud.

Oh my, she said, I can't believe he has died. He was my favorite actor and I just loved him and his voice was dreamy.   To hear my grandmother say dreamy made me turn around from the sink  and say in a oh my goodness, can't believe you just said something like that voice--- "Grandmaw, really?" She looked up from the paper and said, "I was young once" and I would have followed him anywhere but of course later on found out he was gay, but you know, I think I could have changed him.. Now my face turned really red and my voice a little louder screech, saying to my granny that she shouldn't be saying things like that at her age. 

She looked back at me, with a look only a grandmother could give and went back to reading the paper and I turned my attention back to the sink and listened to her read about his death and how he was leaving everything to his long time lover of soo many years and she stopped and said, such a shame, he was a good looking man, just loved him".  I told her I didn't know he was gay and said that he was alright looking for someone older.

Before my grandmother passed a few of his new shows would come and we would sit and you could not say one word or you were banished from the room until the show went off.  Anyone that knows/knew my grandmother knew she was direct and no nonsensical woman. She said what she said and if one didn't like it, she would tell you what she thought and go on. 

That tune, today, I don't know why it got me thinking of my grandmother but it did. Got me to smile and thinking of the day she read about his death and how sad she looked and remembering back to some of his old shows/movies. She seemed childlike that day even through her sickness and her pain, she had a great memory and shared her thoughts with her grand daughter.  How I would love that special time in space to return. I would understand NOW and engage in a much different way other than how I thought my granny had totally lost all scruples and saying such things.

That tune, that tune is the start of Perry Mason. Raymond Burr was a handsome man and great actor.. Since my grandmother's passing, I have loved watching his show and try not to miss an episode.  It's funny how something that was seemingly uneventful on a day of chores brings back a sweet memory on an uneventful day of chores.

Thanks-------

My humiliating story and finding humility on the other side

Years ago, I met a young man at a grocery store, he was stocking and I was shopping. It was a Sunday. We ran into one another while hanging out with friends at the local Thunder Birds. (Boy does this bring back some memories).  We began talking and  hanging out but I liked one of his other friends instead of him and I dodged him, frequently, but he never stopped. I was still quite shy so I never let it known to our mutual friend that I liked him and he ended up dating another girl, no biggie, I still had plenty of beaus (get your minds out of the gutter, I was still a good girl) that I could hang with.

This guy and his friends became great friends of mine and we spent more time on the dance floor than sitting in our chairs. We had some great times but I still didn't give this guy a chance, he called me all the time  on the phone for hours and every Wednesday-Saturday, he would drive all the way from college to see me. Great gesture, right? But, I didn't care - we weren't dating, just friends as I saw it and I could dance and do as I pleased.


Years go by and I still would not give this guy a chance after all the times he spent talking to me, dancing, hanging out and being there when I had problems with other guys. He was such a great friend. One day, he and one of our mutual friends had moved across from my friends apartment. We all started hanging out at the pool and playing Frisbee and I was in one of my moods and mad at a guy  and he said something to me and I looked up at him and stated well we all know what you guys want don't we and he got a serious look about him and stood up and stated , "really? after 5 years, you think that is all I want? if that was true, I would have left a long time ago with how you have treated me" and he just walked off.   I went over to his friend and asked what was his problem and they came out and told me, you dummy he loves you.. All he ever talks about is you. You give him nothing but a crumb and he keeps coming back. We keep telling him that even though we are all friends, she doesn't care as you do. Find another they told him..  

A few months had passed and  I had not seen him out much, until one night while out with other friends, his friends come in and I ask where he was and they stated he was getting married the next day and I stopped dancing and pulled the friend off the floor and he stated to me that he was getting married and I flew off the handle stating  sure he loves me, he is getting married to someone he barely knows.. then our friend looks at me and said ..  Bobbie, he loves you but he knows how much you can and have hurt him and this girl loves him, so what do you want him to do?  Feeling pretty low by that time, I said "you are right, he deserves  love." 


Forward about 20 years, I thought about this guy and how much he cared and did for me when we were younger and the tears flowed down my face thinking how terrible was I to do that to someone. Someone that cared and showed me every time, every day and yet I gave nothing.  How sad and ashamed.  A few days later the shame I had felt compelled me to try and talk to him, whether or not he would talk to me, I needed to tell him how sorry I was being young, dumb and stupid, I found his number and got the nerve to dial the phone, the phone rang and it was his wife that answered,  I asked if he were there and told her that I was an old friend. He came to the phone and I said that it has been  a long time and from time to time I thought about him and how he didn't deserve what I did or said and for that moment in time he was the best person for me and I didn't see it. He was glad to  hear from me and never once did he get angry nor say you are right,  he just asked how I was doing and if I had children and that we had great times and talked about our friends and how they were doing and our kids. It was great to finally hear from him to know that he was doing really well.   I told him that it was great to hear from him and hung up the phone. 

This story is a story of humility....  How could this guy after what I had done and said to him give me the time of day......... I was truly humbled by his response and his caring that it changed a big part of me that day. One has to learn to grow and I learned through my fears of my past didn't define me as 40 something I had become. This person(man) was bigger than I was and he never became bitter nor resentful, he stated that my rejection gave him a new life and 2 great sons and helped him grow as well. 

Mind your words and how you treat another while you are young, because one day when you are feeling there is no one in the world that cares, you might need an old friend to put things in perspective. Thank God for giving me the time I had with this great guy, I owned up to the humiliation and came out the other end being humbled by his friendship. 

Thank you----